


but i'll walk beside you, love

by rainny_days



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Conversations, Drabble, FUCK YEAH WE DID IT GUYS, Hurt/Comfort, LET JON SAY I LOVE YOU, LET ME BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT THE FINALE WILL BE, M/M, MAG 159 spoilers, Post-episode fic, jon: i love martin, me: SAME, resolving relationships, the soft before the storm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 15:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21164246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainny_days/pseuds/rainny_days
Summary: After the Lonely, there are still many things that need to be resolved. Right now, Jon only cares about one of them.





	but i'll walk beside you, love

**Author's Note:**

> guys. g U Y S. I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT 159. IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE. HELP.

There is something crawling under Jon’s skin.

It’s been there since he’d entered the Lonely, the slow drag of it almost as familiar as nicotine in his veins. It had risen to a buzz when he’d torn Peter’s statement out of him- to a roar, when he’d torn Peter himself apart, flayed the truth out of his bones with a hissed word. It had whispered instructions in his ear as he held Martin, letting him know how to let Martin_ see _, the way he saw Martin. And it had followed him as he left the Lonely, as he had known it would.

He thinks he should be more concerned about this, but it’s hard to think of anything with Martin’s hand in his. His palm is warm against Jon's, who's own body temperature tended to run cool. It had been warm even in the Lonely, like a lighthouse in the mist, drawing Jon inexorably to him. Jon had touched that warmth, when he’d been trying to get through to him. He had held Martin’s face in his hands, brushed the edges of his unresponsive eyes, as pious as a supplicant unto his god. He had tried to keep that light where it belonged even as the skin beneath his fingertips grew cool and almost intangible, willing what little was left of his own humanity into Martin, if it would keep him safe for even a minute more, just enough for Jon to reach him.

But now Martin was touching him back, his fingers strong where they were intertwined with Jon’s.

There was very little, Jon thought, that would not have been worth this moment, having this hand in his.

“How long- how long have we been gone?” Martin asks, when Jon leads them both back into the Panopticon. It’s the first that he’s spoken since they’d begun to make their way back from the Lonely, both of them exhausted and clinging to each other. His voice doesn’t echo, doesn’t fade into static, and it’s so beautiful that Jon wants to close his eyes.

He shakes his head instead. “Your guess is as good as mine-” he starts to say, and then pauses. “Oh,” he blinks. “It’s only been a few hours. It felt-”

“Longer?” Martin’s gaze isn’t wary, but perhaps a little concerned. His eyes grow slightly distant, and Jon grips his hand tighter, not willing to let him leave again so quickly. Martin’s eyes clear, and he squeezes back firmly. “Sorry- I just, I didn’t know if I wanted to say _ longer _ or _ shorter _. It felt like both, somehow.” he shakes his head. “Sorry.” he repeats, quieter.

Jon looks at him, and hopes that Peter had hurt as he died.

“There’s absolutely nothing you need to apologise for,” he says, looking into Martin’s eyes steadily. There’s something in his throat- not the Beholding, but something warmer and infinitely more terrifying. “I should be the one apologising- I was part of the reason you were there.”

Martin is already shaking his head, vehement. “I wanted to protect you- I _ thought _ I could protect you,” he laughs, short and sharp. “And- what did I do? I get you into danger anyways. Dragged you into the Lonely-”

“You didn’t drag me anywhere,” Jon tugs his hand, making their eyes hold each others, locked. “I _ chose _ to do this, Martin, and I would do it again. I would do it any number of times, if it meant saving you.” He hopes that Martin hears the words that are still caught in his throat, too fragile to escape without drawing blood: _"I would choose_ you_, every time._"

Martin stiffens, stills.

“You...really mean that.” he sounds wondering.

Jon chuckles awkwardly. “Was my jumping into the Lonely not obvious enough?” he asks, his too-human heart stuttering in his chest.

“I thought- maybe-” Martin shrugs, the movement shifting Jon slightly. “I mean, you needed to get me out of the Lonely _ somehow _-”

Jon lets go of his hand so that he can take Martin’s face in both of his palms, resisting the urge to shake him. “You were the one I asked to leave the archives with, before,” he says, as gentle as he can. “Not because I secretly didn’t want to leave, but because I didn’t want to leave _ if it wasn’t with you _ . I went into the Lonely because I refuse to accept a world in which I am here and you are not. Because I care about you.” He takes a breath, looks into Martin’s eyes. Hopes, with every scrap of optimism he can scrounge up. “Because I _ love _you.”

“Oh,” Martin says, eyes wide. Jon resists the urge to flinch, trying to smile instead. He suspects that it comes out as a grimace.

“Well- yes.” Jon responds, counting the seconds as he breathes. The next words rush out of him in a torrent. “You- don’t have to feel any kind of- _obligation- _towards me- I know whatever feelings you had, they were before- all this. I don’t expect you to-”

Martin’s hands are suddenly covering his, steady over Jon’s shaking fingers, and his voice is thick but sure as he interrupts.

“Of _ course _ I still love you, Jon,” he says through his tears. “I never stopped.”

Jon looks up at him, startled to find that his gaze had dropped as he’d spoken. “Oh,” he manages, and Martin laughs, so lovely that Jon can’t tear his eyes away. If there is anything good in the thing drawing its way through his marrow, then it will let him etch this laughter into his mind for eternity. Even if he loses his humanity, he hopes that he will still have this.

Martin tugs him closer, presses their foreheads together. “Thank you, Jon,” he murmurs, breath warm and alive against Jon’s skin. “For leading me out. For- loving me enough to try.”

Jon closes his eyes for once, allows himself not to see as he brings Martin close enough to kiss. Once, and then again. There are no witnesses deserving of this.

“Always,” he promises. And there are hunters in the archives, and friends who they will need to save. There is Elias-slash-Jonah, back with the plans that Jon has probably walked right into. There is the coffin still in his office and the webs in the corners of the archives. 

And there is still a monster under Jon’s skin, but for now, Martin keeps it at bay.

**Author's Note:**

> can you tell i have a Thing for face-holding
> 
> forgot but im [@tweetsongs](https://tweetsongs.tumblr.com) on tumblr come perish with me


End file.
